Why the Outside Matters Too

iampennae.com | Penna'e Akpuru, 2016 40+ Wonders Calendar

Why the Outside Matters Too

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. ~ Siddhārtha Gautama

People say the outside doesn’t matter, that it’s the inside that counts, and of course there’s some truth to that. But even as God was cleansing my heart and mind and building my character, even as He freed me from drug addiction and abusive relationships, I struggled to hold my head up. My outside didn’t match the changes happening on the inside.

Though my hair and makeup were always flawless, as you would expect from someone in my industry, beneath the fly clothes and the polished look, my body told another story. My skin bore the signs of drug abuse, and I was obese. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw the residue of the drug and food addictions I’d used to cover my pain. My reflection brought up memories I wanted to forget.

One day, I realized I owed it to God to get totally healed, and that included getting healed in the physical. I needed to remove the coating of residue from the years of pain and self-destructive behavior.

I started to look at my body, with all of its flaws and imperfections, and embrace what I saw. I learned to treat food as nourishment, rather than comfort . That change didn’t happen overnight. Sometimes I went back to my old habit of numbing myself with fried potatoes, but I kept on loving myself and dealing with the things that overeating had let me avoid. Eventually, I lost seventy pounds and reclaimed my physical health and well-being.

Every scar, and every mark, and every extra pound I carried came with a story. They were a part of me, but that part was only temporary. When I moved my mindset to a place of healing and forgiveness, my body had to follow.

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